$5 Video Game Bin: Condemned: Criminal Origins


condemned_criminal_originsSo many of you probably know I’m a big horror buff. I love anything that will make me stay up late at night out of fear and panic, because I’m a masochistic son (daughter?) of a bitch. But you know what I hate the most? Fucking jump-scares. The other week, I spent a good half hour shopping at Book-Off, a Japanese book, game and film store for some cheap horror games. And I finally got around to playing them.

It’s a Friday night and I just finished having a few drinks with my friends. We hit a wine bar and after two bottles, we decide to go back to my place. I pop the game into the XBox and begin to play. Your character is Ethan Thomas, an SCU agent sent to investigate a crime scene left behind by a killer named ‘the Matchmaker’. The tutorial begins with you looking at a scene with a dead woman wrapped in chains on the floor, a male mannequin sat at a table across from her and several child mannequins around the room. Soon, I was terrified. Mostly because I’m not used to playing in first-person. I’m more of a third-person kinda gal. So yes. I freaked the fuck out when I saw the first guy lunge at me with a plank of plywood.

As the tutorial sinks in, you find out that you have been framed and you need to get your ass out of trouble as soon as possible. How do you know this? You got knocked out and wake up in your own apartment with some creepy old man who may or may not have been watching you sleep. Apparently he’s a friend of the family or something. Whatever. He’s creepy as hell. And lucky for me, your character “Thomas” has to wander around the dank streets full of homeless and drug-addicted potential felons. I am totally not terrified (sarcasm). You learn that you have these flashes of insight, because, well, you have a heightened sense of detective-ness. Basically that’s your super power.


I’ll try not to spoil the plot, but it is definitely not bad for a $4.50 game. If you decide to play this game in the dark, at least take a shit before starting it up. You will need to.